Cancer-versary

Ten years ago today my life changed forever when my little brother was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia.

 

This (extremely blurry) picture of me, my brother and my mom was taken on May 14th, 2004 after my graduation from MSVU. What you can't see in this picture is that my brother's skin has taken on a bit of a yellowish tinge and that he has huge bags under his eyes despite sleeping all the time. My parents think the jaundice is from too much time in his basement bedroom and that the bags are from being up playing video games and not sleeping enough. To this day my mother still hates herself for that.

 

A few days later when the my brother's skin has turned even more yellow my mom decides to try to get him a doctor's appointment. Our family doctor had retired several years earlier, but we were always very healthy so it didn't matter. She managed to get him in to a clinic down the street from our house on Friday, May 21st at lunch time. The plan was that he would go to school in the morning, go to his appointment, and be back at school for his afternoon classes.  

 

Things did not go as planned.

 

The doctor took a quick look at Jon, asked him a few questions, and sent him off to get blood work done immediately. At this point my mom called my dad who left work to meet them. I was still at home, playing around on the computer, unaware that anything unusual was going on.

 

I was a great big sister...

Shortly after they took Jon's blood a doctor told my parents they were transferring him to the hospital - by ambulance. No one would tell my parents what exactly was going on, only that they needed to get him to the hospital as soon as possible. At this point my dad called me at home to tell me what was going on, and that he would be there shortly to pick me up.

I was supposed to work that night and I can remember calling my boss and trying so hard not to start sobbing. She was wonderful, she even made sure someone was coming to get me so I wouldn't have to drive myself to the hospital. In the end she was one of the first people who knew, I was supposed to work at 7am the next day as well and had to call and explain why I wouldn't be there.

The hospital is a blur for me.

The doctor on-call in the emergency room was a hematologist who knew exactly what we were dealing with as soon as my brother's test results came in. He had more blood drawn and other extremely painful tests before we were given the official word.

 

Mom and I had just gotten back from a quick coffee run when we were called in to the little curtained examining room.

 

It was cancer.

My heart stopped. I didn't cry.

I didn't do anything except stand there in stunned disbelief.

This was my baby brother. 

My only brother.

Was he going to die?

 

His treatments started right away, even though it was the long weekend.

 

Christmas 2004 - Jon is in the middle of treatments.

He was so brave. The nurses loved him. Because he was 17 they let him choose whether he wanted to stay at the children's hospital or the adult hospital. My brother has never been a lover of kids so he chose they adult hospital. He was the youngest person on his floor and kept a positive attitude throughout his whole treatment.

 

I know that most cancer stories don't end the same way my brother's does. He went into remission nearly immediately. He currently doesn't take any medication and no longer meets with his oncologist. He is working a full-time job in his field of study and is dating a wonderful young woman. Looking at him today you'd never know how sick he was 10 years ago.

 

In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday, in others it feels like a lifetime.

 

I am so grateful to have my brother here with me, healthy and happy.

 

Saying Goodbye

I think I started writing this post in my head at least a dozen times since last week. I don't know exactly how to start it. Or even what I want to say.

On Monday I got a text message from my dad saying that a close friend of the his & my mom's had passed away. He had been battling cancer for a while and we knew it was coming, but it was still sudden at the same time. Dad apologized for telling us in a  text (my brother got the same message) but explained that he didn't think he could talk about it just yet.

My parents have a group of friends that they've hung around with since they were in college. There are three other couples, and they've all been in my life for as long as I can remember. Truthfully, I'm closer to them then to most of my aunts and uncles. Their children were like my cousins. We all went on vacations together when we were growing up and even now Mom and Dad still travel with these three couples. They're not like family, the are family.  

I'm sure you can guess where this is going.

On Monday, I lost a member of my family.

This man held me when I was a baby and danced at my wedding.

He had a larger than life personality.

He was kind and generous and could (and would) talk to anyone.

The funeral was today, and it was a beautiful service.

But cancer sucks, and I hate good byes.